Thoughts on The Game

I read this book, by Neil Strauss, twice.

It’s sort of a wild book where he talks about going from someone who was afraid to talk with girls to being a ‘pickup artist.’ There was (is?) this community of people that share about their pickup stories and share tips and advice for connecting with girls. Strauss joined the community and rose to the top, so in the book he shared about this journey.

It sounds a bit objectifying, and in some ways it is, but there was still some pretty interesting things to be learned from the book.

Psychologically

There are just certain laws and rules that govern attraction. They are pretty subtle, and they are things we often don’t think about. Whether it’s guys attracting girls or vice versa, there are these little things that make a difference.

As an example, we often want what we can’t have. So when we get rejected by someone or they show moderate interest, but not enough to confirm that they hold any belief, it keeps us more engaged.

We also like people that are interesting and can add value to us. Seems obvious, but in the scope of the book, what it meant was that Strauss made it his goal to seem valuable and interesting to people within minutes of meeting them. He did so in some weird and arbitrary ways — like learning magic, learning some hypnotist-esque techniques, etc.

He explores a lot of these psychological and personal (for lack of a better word) principles throughout the book.

Confidence

Talking with the opposite sex (or the same in some cases) can be a very scary thing for people, and something that many people can’t get off of their minds. Part of that is probably cultural. Guys are encouraged to ‘hook up’ with girls. Therefore, many want to impress their friends by doing so. This puts a lot of pressure, and for some guys, who have success early on, or are ‘good looking,’ they thrive. For others it creates a constant pain point.

I can think of friends that I have that are super nervous to talk with girls and overthink all the little things that they do.

Ultimately, though, people appreciate authenticity and confidence. So being yourself and being proud of who that is goes a far way.

That can be difficult, for sure, but learning to love yourself is one of the biggest themes of the book. Once you can do that, which is a lifelong journey, the whole finding a loved one thing becomes easier, but you will also live a happier life.

Building the confidence can be done

For as smart as people are and as committed to do well in school or professionally, most people don’t think about handling relationships in the same strategic type of way. The more girls (or guys) that we spend time with, the more experiences we have, the more we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations, the better off we will be. We’ll have more experience starting and keeping conversations, more feedback on how we act, and be less scared of being rejected.

If I put on a banana costume, smeared mud on my body and didn’t shower for a week and then walked around the mall going up to girls for an entire day, then when I went to a bar looking like the best version of myself, the fear of being rejected would be a lot less present.

A lot of guys are in the gym 5X a week, thinking if they get a 6-pack that their trouble with girls will be solved. It can help, but, if instead, all that time in the gym was invested in actually talking to girls, the impact would be significantly higher if the pure goal is to be more attractive to others.

This book explored all of these ideas. It was vulgar at times, but it was a fun read that challenged normal perceptions about the opposite sex.

• Thoughts on this review/the book in general? Comment or send me a note :)
• Rest of my reading list here