How resilient are people?

I’ve been thinking about how much challenge and adversity people can face.

A few beliefs I’ve already developed and stand behind

• The more “shitty” things that have happened to you in life (the more you’ve failed, the more you’ve been hurt, the more you’ve been rejected, the more you’ve been challenged), the higher threshold you have for the level of challenge — defining shitty as something that does not feel good in the moment (failing is net positive)

This one is pretty obvious I think. If I worked my ass of and got an F in a class, then the same thing happened but I got a C, I’d be less upset than someone who had never gotten below an A before.

• People have a remarkably high ceiling if they need to

I have friends that have gone to military academies and the basic training challenges people to an extent likely unparalleled to what they’ve dealt with before. At the Air Force Academy, just 7–8% of recruits drop out during basic training. That’s very low given the massive challenge.

• There’s some sort of universality to grit

Being resilient and able to deal with hardship in one area of your life tends to make it easier in others. I can think of counter examples, though.

Questions

• How universal is ‘grit’?

If someone can endure as a track runner (extremely challenging physically), or through basic training at the Air Force, does that mean they will just as easily be able to handle challenges in different parts of their life?

Will the Air Force Pilot have an easier time when a family member dies? When his girlfriend breaks his heart? When he’s publicly shamed in front of all his colleagues at work?

• Is the experience to become more resilient worthwhile, and if you’re one in a position imposing the challenges, how do you look at it?

Air Force cadets are awesome citizens for many reasons. Was all that challenge they went through worth it? On that one, I’d argue they were aware of the challenge, hence yes.

Someone that joins a big frat at a state school, on the other hand, doesn’t know that he’s in for sleepless nights, doing planks on nails and so on. When someone doesn’t know, is it still fair? They can quit at any time if they want, but tend not to. (Why is that?). Because they can quit, though, is it fair?

Where is the line drawn if there is one? How resilient should one in power push those below them to be? How do you even measure the changes? What are the social implications?

Imbalance in society

The last belief I’ve developed is that as a society, people raised similar to myself (upper middle class, lucky to have what they want) do not develop enough resiliency growing up. They’re not challenges, or pushed, or failing nearly enough.

Those people grow up and struggle dealing with the challenges that life throws. They tend to figure it out, but growing up more challenged makes the part down the road easier, and probably accerates happiness/growth in some senses.