Here’s one time when it’s okay to lie

When is it okay to lie?

This is a question I’ve struggled with for some time because of the moral implications.

If we look at cost/benefit, then there are many situations where you would be better off lying.

Let’s say my parents really disapprove of me drinking, but I got drunk a few nights ago. If they found out, they would stop talking to me (this is not the case for me).

If they asked me whether I had drank or not, then the obvious, value-based. answer is to say no. I would clearly be worse off telling them the truth than lying.

Morally, though, lying to your parents can be challenging.

The same could be said if I cheated on a test at school. There is no way anybody would find out unless I admit it. Admitting it would clearly leave me worse off, but what about morally?

Everyone’s morals are different and I’m not interested in getting into those philiosophical arguments.

Here is a set of instances, though, where it is always better to lie:

When someone asks you something about themselves that is irreversible.

Let’s say my friend is thinking about dyeing his hair pink. I know it would look bad. There is, then, no reason to lie. I am helping them make the right decision.

What if my friend already dyed his hair pink, though? What does telling him it looks bad accomplish?

His choice, at least in the short term, is irreversible. Therefore, here are the options:

1). Be honest and hurt his self-esteem. That could lead to higher regret of the decision, and an overall insecurity walking around with the pink hair.

2). Lie and tell him it looks good, but maybe include that next time around, he may consider dyeing it back. This way, he feels good walking around, has more confidence, and, overall, functions at a higher state.

The same could be said if your parent buys a new car. They are not going to go back to the lot and return it because you said it’s bad. It will just make them question the choice.

The same if a friend already takes a job and decides to move to a new city.

If your girlfriend walks downstairs and asks how she looks and you don’t like her shirt, then it might be more circumstantial. Is there another option she has that you like more and would be easy to change into? Or is she stuck in that outfit no matter what?

Being honest can be hard.

It takes guts to say the honest thing and tell her she doesn’t look good, or tell your friend pink hair is not for him, despite his excitement about it.

That is good courage to have. You are, ultimately, doing a good deed.

Emotionally in-tune?

When the action is irreversible, though, my stance would be to opt for their emotional well-being.

Over the long run, being honest when someone can still change their situation is a great idea. It might hurt at first and create an uncomfortable encounter, but they will be better off overall.

When the situation cannot be changed, though, lying seems to be the right thing to do. Regret or insecurity will take them out of the present situation and often life is about what you make of it.

Think about if your friend decided to apply early decision to an Ivy league college and got in. You had no idea he applied since he kept everything hush hush.

That said, you think that the Ivy league school will be too intense for him, and he would be better off in California because he loves warm weather.

Telling him that is not going to accomplish anything. He is pretty much bound to going to that school. All it will do is create an insecurity that might lead to him being less present and more regretful once he actually arrives at school.

In general

Everyone has to come up with their own lying preferences.

I’d say that it is universally bad to be known as someone who is dishonest. It takes constant lying or lying in high-stakes situations and getting caught to get that rep, though.

That means there is a decent amount of bandwidth in life to be dishonest. Probably depends on your moral code, how it’d make you feel and the potential consequences.

There are times, though, when there is a lot of grey area.

Growing up, many parents always preach to never lie. I’m not convinced that is the case. I especially believe that from the set of examples painted above.

That’s my opinion, though. I’m also not a particularly experienced lier and I have seen more of people getting away with lies than people getting caught. That could be common or just my own experience.

If you have any thoughts or differing point of views, would love to hear them.

:)